conversations at five

My big boy is about to turn six, and we have these conversations. He is a thinker, a worrier like me.
He goes
Mummy, will you be died when I'm a grown up?
and a big chunk breaks off my heart, knowing that he worries about this, just as I did as a child. And I go
Well, I hope not my love. I want to see how you grow up into a man. Maybe if you have babies one day.
And he goes
I don't want you to die.

And I'm glad. And sad too.

Then he goes

I can't wait until tomorrow when I'm six. I can't wait to check under my pillow.
And I think about this all day, wondering why he thinks we will put birthday presents under his pillow. Then I remember all the times he has asked me when his tooth will fall out...
And I went

After you're six, mate.