Everything feels loud to me right now.
The children are loud, trapped in an ever-shrinking house with no yard to run like the little wild things they are. Hubby remarked in one of my cranky bouts If they were doing this outdoors we would say how nicely they are playing.
The stuff all around me is loud. Visual piles of noise. I don't even know what this stuff is. If I just put everything that is currently on a counter-top into a box, would I wonder where it was in a week?
Time ticking by is making an unbearable noise. My last, last baby turns one in a handful of days. The march goes on. Noisy things I must get done encroach on my beautiful quiet space of mind. Interruptions are so very loud and make me bristle. The phone ringing in the middle of a precious breastfeed makes me shoot loud, rude sparks.
I am loud and it hurts me. My babies' faces when I am loud hurts me. I forget to breathe, and wait a moment before I speak. Noise just spews out, not helpful or useful. I am frustrated, and oh-so-tired, and busy. And I am noisy. My mind is cluttered.
I read Jodi's words this week...go gently. Like a quiet balm. And I know I have to gently, gently, find the hush again. Remove some visual noise. Find some quiet in the corners of my mind again, maybe yoga will help? Get ahead of things. Turn the noisy things off. Think before I add to the noise.
Can anything improve on silence, really?