Monday, May 20, 2013

a bad case of the mumdrums

As I slid my clean clothes into their drawers last night, I did some boring maths and realised something a little sad. Approximately 72% of my clothing worn the previous week was pyjamas. The next 14% was trackies (exercise gear not used for exercising), the rest was undies. I wore nothing that required ironing, and stuck to my gardening clogs for all-about-the-town shoes.

The fact that all my clothing ends in 'ies' rings alarm bells.
 
Let's face it, my self-standards are slipping. Have slipped. Are now non-existent. I have succeeded in becoming invisible under that pile of dishes, on the school run, putting away the laundry. Nobody notices me, so it doesn't matter what I look like, does it? The more ordinary I look, the more invisible I want to be. The more invisible I am, the less I need to care.
 
I wish I could say, I really don't care. I don't care if you judge me based on how I look. That what I wear bears no importance on my abilities as a human, that my value is so much more than my stretchy pants. Because essentially, morally, this is what I believe. But I know that this is also not the issue.
 
My invisibility-ugly cycle is my own doing. I make excuses to avoid booking a hair appointment- there isn't any time! I allow soft squishy rolls to gather around my belly- exercise is impossible with little kids! I don't meet up for coffee or lunch- toddler needs to nap! I don't believe that anyone would find me interesting or worthy, so I avoid social interaction with humans over the age of eight. Which just isn't right, really, is it? Who am I to presume to know what other people see? I am deliberately making myself invisible, to purposely avoid social situations.
 
It's time to pick myself up by the furry lining of my gardening clogs, put on some big girl pants and get on with stuff. I am making sure I miss out on a whole bunch of life by being invisible. But it's so comfortable, being invisible! Comfortable, but not fun. Hiding is not living. I'm not really sure where to start, though. Any ideas?

8 comments:

  1. Come up to Brisbane and meet me for a coffee...or a wine!
    Seriously though I think the more effort you make the better you will feel and then, just like the invisibility spiral only opposite, you make more effort because you feel better...and before you know it you will be living!

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  2. 5 minutes in and I am so very hooked on your very awesome blog. xo

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    1. Thank you Rebecca, lovely to meet you!

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  3. I can identify! In fact, can you read my mind. I heard a great tip recently which was - just say yes! For two weeks just say 'yes' to all invitations, including those made by the kids which are often in the form of 'can we go...'. You will be surprised by how many there are that you are actually saying 'no' to. At the end of the two weeks I guarantee you will feel more connected.

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    1. Yes! OK, Anon, I will. Cool idea. Thanks for the advice, I may even keep a list. ;)sarah

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  4. For me when I feel blah it is all about colour colour colour. When you wear colourful anything it is so uplifting for a grey mood and it actually takes an effort as the tracky dacks don't usually come in coral and emerald! I do brooches, scarves and beads over what every comfy shirt and jeans combo that are my usual mum clothes. mel x

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  5. I've now got all three kids out of the house all day and one of the things I've started doing is taking myself out one day a week. I get a little bit done up, maybe do my hair nicely, or wear high heels (not very high, my back can't do the 3" stilettos any more!) or wear some slacks instead of jeans or even put on a bit of makeup, and then I go out. I might only be going to a cafe for a coffee, or a stroll around the shopping centre but it feels really nice to have a "date" with just myself. Good luck!

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  6. I am currently wearing my comfy trackies - once they are on I don't answer the door, but I am wearing them less and less all the time.

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