The fact that all my clothing ends in 'ies' rings alarm bells.
Let's face it, my self-standards are slipping. Have slipped. Are now non-existent. I have succeeded in becoming invisible under that pile of dishes, on the school run, putting away the laundry. Nobody notices me, so it doesn't matter what I look like, does it? The more ordinary I look, the more invisible I want to be. The more invisible I am, the less I need to care.
I wish I could say, I really don't care. I don't care if you judge me based on how I look. That what I wear bears no importance on my abilities as a human, that my value is so much more than my stretchy pants. Because essentially, morally, this is what I believe. But I know that this is also not the issue.
My invisibility-ugly cycle is my own doing. I make excuses to avoid booking a hair appointment- there isn't any time! I allow soft squishy rolls to gather around my belly- exercise is impossible with little kids! I don't meet up for coffee or lunch- toddler needs to nap! I don't believe that anyone would find me interesting or worthy, so I avoid social interaction with humans over the age of eight. Which just isn't right, really, is it? Who am I to presume to know what other people see? I am deliberately making myself invisible, to purposely avoid social situations.
It's time to pick myself up by the furry lining of my gardening clogs, put on some big girl pants and get on with stuff. I am making sure I miss out on a whole bunch of life by being invisible. But it's so comfortable, being invisible! Comfortable, but not fun. Hiding is not living. I'm not really sure where to start, though. Any ideas?