the parenting party

My man is my partner in crime in the parenting party. The Wayne to my Garth. The Ernie to my Bert. Our parenting journey (Journey! swig) has turned us into something on the other side of the young sweethearts we were on the day we married.

We look at each other differently, now.

We exchanged glances of sheer determination and togetherness when it became evident that falling pregnant was to be more of a challenge than we imagined.

Two years later, we locked humbled, hurt eyes as we shared the pain of a miscarriage, and giggled at the leaky pen spoiling the doctor's fancy white leather chair.

I drew strength from his gaze when birthing our babies, all three of them. I saw a change in the way he saw me, and I knew the love was cutting deeper now.

We shared a slightly bemused look as we brought each child home, crossed the threshold and it became real, each time. A bit like the look I imagine you would share with someone about to parachute out of a plane with you.

Lately I've found my darling and I exchanging a glance over the dinner table, or over the kids' heads while we are out and about. It's the look of a well-practiced military team, knowing each others' signals and next move.

I figure this stage of parenting young children is a bit like the best party you ever went to. When you wake up, there will be large chunks that you can't remember with the clarity you would like. There will be things you did that you do recall, but cringe with the memory. There will be stuff you remember (such as dancing on the bar) with fondness for your own awesomeness, but that others don't recall with the same humour. There will be things that seemed completely insignificant to you, but that will be key in the minds of the others at the party. And inevitably, there will be a hangover of epic proportions.

I like parties, but they are best when you get to share them with someone who knows all your insecurities and quirks. Someone to share in-jokes and people-watch with. Someone to hold your hair back and tuck you into bed at your drunkest most vulnerable. Someone who, when all the fun is over, the guests have left and the clean-up is done, will still share a joke and a knowing look.

And hopefully hold hands on the lounge to watch silly romantic comedy films.

So many more steps to come on this journey. I feel humble, loved and unable to express the depth of my gratitude for a true partnership. Cheers, my darling.

blatant self promotion with added giveaway

I have a little business. I sew vintage loveliness, specifically bonnets, using real vintage fabrics. I'd love for you to check out a giveaway I am hosting at Tuppenny Lane.

See you there!

darkness and light

Darkness doesn't exist. It's the absence of light.

So when I feel this grey envelop me, I feel unworthy of it. Like it is making me not exist, too. And that's true, a little bit. At this point, I'm here, living just on the edge of my life. I feel better than I did, and the taste has spurred me on to even greater improvements. Thanks for the virtual rub on the back I felt from comments on my last post about this.  I have in fact received a diagnosis of garden variety depression. I'm treating this the same as I would a middle ear infection. Because depression is normal like that. Normal people get it. To recover, I have to modify things around my symptoms a little, follow a course of medication, and put some measures in place to ensure my whole health. Just like any other illness, right?

I am not deluded enough to be on the search for 'happiness' (whatever that is). I don't believe that happiness is a condition, the opposite condition of depression. I think that depression is poorly named. It should be called something else, something that indicates the temporary loss of ability to cope with the difficult or stressful situations. Because it is temporary (with treatment). I can already feel my treatment working. I'm sleeping a little better, the nightmares and daymares are much less frequent, I'm not as snappy and wound up. I'm excited to do stuff. I'm also exhausted at the end of a day or an outing. Faking it 'til I make it is taking it out of me! Anxiety still has a strong grip- I bailed on a night out with some lovely ladies because I just couldn't. But not as often.

There is no point to writing this today, other than to put a marker in time, to remember how I was feeling at this point, to say, things progress and the river carries me forward.

still.life(four)

An opportunity to reflect on my surroundings. To breathe in the rare moments of stillness in my world. To celebrate simple abundance in my daily life.

 

1. Artwork from the first day at new Kindy. I am very grateful for the kind way he has been invited into this lovely little community.

2. Op-shop goodies: a lovely vintage sheet (I found the matching pillowcases a few days later!) and another big glass jar, which I have already filled with sweet peaches, sugar syrup and booze. See you in six to eight weeks, peach liqueur!

3. Tomatoes, charred by the heat. Now they are getting well and truly soggy.

4. Drawing has been de rigueur over the school holidays. His walls are now covered with home-made posters of favourite cartoon characters.

5. The community centre chicken coop- we have the keys! We went to visit, harvested some tomatoes growing there and put our plan down. Getting some girls to live there is next on the agenda.

 

Linking up with The Beetle Shack.



on the offensive

Could you imagine all the incredible things in history, that would not have happened, if the person doing them had been concerned about offending someone?

The recent kerfuffle in Australia, after TV presenter 'Kochie' offered his opinion about public breastfeeding (which boiled down to fine as long as it's classy) led me down a path of self analysis. Koch (and many others commenting online in agreement) feels that breastfeeding parents should be concerned with the comfort of those around, and as such, practice discretion so as not to offend.

Aside from my feelings about breastfeeding or bottle feeding your baby in public (I did both in lots of places, never covered up and never noticed a nasty look or felt judgement), it got me thinking about what it means to be offended.

If I am offended by somebody else's behaviour, it means that their behaviour is outside the limits of my personal values system. My personal values, just like yours, have been built over time, influenced by my family, my culture and my experience. I have boundaries around what I consider acceptable behaviour. Limits as to what I think I can do, without causing hurt or pain to others. Being offended or taking offence doesn't really hurt, does it? It doesn't cause injury or disability. It might make you blush a little, or feel irritated, or embarrassed, or maybe a bit cranky.

I tend to be a bit of a doormat person, I consider the feelings of others to the detriment of myself at times. It's a trait that annoys me about myself. But I think that's why I'm having a hard time thinking of behaviours that offend me. I take offence to seeing vulnerable people hurt, but even then, it's a stretch to assume I have the right to take on pain intended for someone else. It's called taking offence because it is an act of choice- you are in control about how you react to the behaviour of others. You have the option to take offence, to let someone else's actions (which have nothing to do with you) affect you.

Next time you see a public behaviour that 'offends' you, take a minute to examine whether the behaviour is aimed at you. Do you really believe a mother feeding her child is hoping to upset strangers? I am sure there would be more effective ways to cause embarrassment.

And mothers, just continue on. Do what works for you, it is difficult enough without wondering which of the people around you thinks you should be doing it classier. Perhaps you could try wearing a tiara and pearls. Remember, what you think about me is none of my business.

dear parents of school children

I want to share with you all my worldly wisdom, upon entering our third year of having a child attending school. You should know, I am also a teacher, having been responsible for enrolling hundreds of Preschool and Kindergarten children. Even with that background, nothing prepared me for being on the other side of the fence.

Parents, please know that your child entering school is filled with opportunity. Opportunity for your little one to branch out, expand his social sphere. Your child's teacher will henceforth be the oracle of all knowledge. You know nothing. The skills that your child will learn will astound you. And by 'skills', I mean a whole new raft of swear words and armpit farting. Don't be sad, new parents (especially in front of them, it freaks them out and makes it more difficult for the teacher to peel them away from you), be happy in the knowledge that you have prepared your child well. And you now may be able to enjoy a cuppa whilst it is still hot.

You might feel sad, or happy. This may be your first, or final child heading to big school. Whatever you are feeling, make sure the kid knows you feel they will be safe, and their experience will be happy. If you don't feel sure about that, lie. Or get in touch with your school to talk it through. Hopefully you have already been attending orientation sessions. While you have stifled yawns through PowerPoint presentations about Best Start Assessment, little Frannie has been making a paddle-pop-stick schoolhouse that you can now never throw away. So the environment, and some of the people, should be familiar. I can't really give you advice about how to work through the emotional side of starting school. I can, however, tell you some practical secrets that may help...

1. A 100% attendance award isn't a good thing. If your child is unwell, please let them stay home to get better, and avoid spreading the love.

2. Kids don't like fancy lunches. Keep it simple, familiar, and quick-to-eat. Yoghurt, hommus dip with vegetable fingers, cous-cous salad with roasted heirloom vegetables: all lovely, nutritious foods that will ensure your child gets zero time playing and negotiating the subtle intricacies of schoolyard social politics. And don't bother with wasteful zip-lock bags or wrapping food; buy a couple of those sandwich boxes, and a smaller version for cut up fruit and a snack. We used throw-away wrapping once last year, on an excursion.

3. Be prepared for loss and damage to property. I know that stainless steel eco drink bottle you spent a fortune getting personalised is really awesome, but it will also be the first thing he loses. Just get the cheap ones. And buy back-ups in January, because when stuff gets lost/broken/painted/cut up in June, there is not as much school stock in the shops. I just bought two pairs of school shoes- a pair that fits now, and the next size up, because I learned the hard way. And don't get sucked into buying the full, expensive suite of uniforms. At most public schools, the plain, department store shirts and shorts are fine.

4. Put strategies in place to make your life easier. Because even if you are having a busy/ difficult day, the kid still needs to get to school on time. Buy brown paper bags and have some change hanging around in case you need to order lunch. I keep tortilla wraps in the pantry at all times- those babies have a shelf life of a thousand years, keep well in a large zip-lock bag once open, and never come home uneaten. I also buy Vegemite scrolls or cheese and bacon rolls when on special to keep in the freezer to throw in on 'special' days. Whilst using pre-packaged foods doesn't really fit with our family goals for ethical and healthy eating, I've learned it's better to be prepared to give yourself a break, than to find yourself needing one in a hurry. Set up responsibilities straight away. Your child is at big school now, making new friends, learning every day. She is capable of carrying her own bag, and taking out her lunch containers when she comes home.

5. Your child is going to get nits. And worms. And maybe scabies. Shake it off, and deal with it. You might as well stock up on worming tablets (we all get wormed on the first day of every school holidays) and white conditioner and a nit comb now. You can learn more about treating nits safely here.

So I hope this helps, parents. And remember, the school day is incredibly short, so don't get too excited thinking you are going to get anything done before pickup. Good luck!

in season: peach, mango and vanilla jam

Yum. Born out of the need to use up some on-the-way-out stone fruit from the fruit bowl, this jam was a bit experimental but worked a treat, and is deliciously sweet and tropical.

Grab these:
some peaches and mangoes- I started with about 7 peaches (some white, some yellow) and 2 mangoes
castor sugar
water
lemons
water
a big pot
kitchen scales
juicer
sharp knife

Do this:
1. Begin by preparing your fruit. Cut the mango flesh away from the skin and stone. Bob the peaches, with a cross cut into their bottoms, for a few minutes in boiling water. Peel the skin away (mind your fingers) and cut up flesh into small chunks. Weigh your prepared fruit- I ended up with about 700grams.
2. Work out how much sugar you need, based on a ratio of about 6 parts fruit: 5 parts sugar. I used about 500grams sugar because I'm not good at maths. Pop your sugar and fruit into your big pot.
3. Work out how much liquid you need, based on around 1/2 cup per kilo fruit. I juiced two lemons, then added water to make about 1/3 cup. Add this to the pot too.
4. Add vanilla extract (or the scrapings from a vanilla bean) to the mix to taste.
5. Slowly bring to the boil on medium heat to dissolve the sugar.
6. Boil gently until jam has reduced and is set. You know how to test jam, right? Put a couple of saucers in the freezer when you start. When you think your jam is ready, and the mix plops off the spoon in one continuous blob rather than dribbles in a liquid fashion, drop a small blob on your cold saucer. after a moment, run your finger through the middle of the blob. If it parts the blob, and the jam stays apart, it's ready!
7. Decant into hot, sterilised jars. I wash my (recycled) jars in hot, soapy water and rinse well. Then I place the jars and lids (up the right way) on an oven tray covered with a tea-towel. Then the jars sit in a lowish oven (150 degrees Celsius, fan-forced) for about 30mins. Put the lid on you filled jar, then upend the jar to sit on its head for just a few minutes. If you turn the jar right-side up again, before it starts to cool, you should be able to pop the seal in with your finger. This recipe made two-and two-thirds average sized jam jars. The recycled jars sealed beautifully, but the fancy-pants jar I bought new spilled when I tipped it upside-down. I think it's more of a preserving jar, perhaps.

Thanks to the Rushleigh- The At Home Chronicle for the great information about sugar, water, fruit ratios.

Do you have a stock or store cupboard at your place? Are you busy preparing summer fruits to enjoy later? I'm excited at the thought of some summery flavours to have on toast in winter. And after the success of my arancello, have plans to make some summery liqueur. What do you think- stone fruits or summer berries?

still.life (three)

An opportunity to reflect on my surroundings. To breathe in the rare moments of stillness in my world. To celebrate simple abundance in my daily life.

 

1. Breakfast debris. A combination of children's cereal, an attempt to right a milk intolerance and the remnants of the Christmas table.

2. Celebrating my birthday, 1980's Chinese style. As it should be.

3. Drove past a case on the side of the road for several days. Chatting with a friend on the beach, she told me about her desire to sew a quilt. We stopped and checked her out, brought her home, and she works! A classic, couldn't-kill-it-with-a-stick, Singer, built in 1958. She's heavy, we named her Gertrude, and my friend is happy.

 

Hanging out, in all the happy stillness, at The Beetle Shack. Do check it out.